So it’s been ages since I’ve written a blog post and the truth is I’ve been struggling with anxiety A LOT lately. This is kind of a ramble, and really hard to even write so please bare with me.
I’ve always been an anxious person but the past few months it seems to have taken hold and really taken over my daily life. It is bloody exhausting.
Worrying endlessly day after day about everything and nothing all at the same time.
How will William cope starting school? Have I been a good enough mum for the past five years? Am I a good enough mum now? Have I failed? Is our life falling apart?
Am I ill? What if I get sick and can’t look after the children anymore?
I should get a job so we aren’t struggling so much with money. I should be at home for the children. They don’t need money, they need love.
I cant survive another day of trying to get things done and getting absolutely nothing done.
I have endless chores. I need to play with the children more…
It goes on and on. Conflicting thoughts all day long.
I’m tired, I’m stressed and more than anything I worry so much about the impact this might have on the children.
BUT, everyday I keep going. I plan a fun activity, get out the house, meet friends, make small (achievable) goals for each day and I love, cuddle and laugh with the children through every exhausting minute. Feeling like I’ve failed at motherhood and feeling like the best mum in the world all in one.
I know that at the moment it is a struggle but I also know there will be clarity and calm, I just have to work hard, be patient and most of all be kind to myself – easier said than done but I’m determined to give it a try. Anything has to be better than this.
Tomorrow I will acknowledge the negative thoughts and send them kindly on their way because that is all they are, thoughts.