To my big boy

To my big boy, my baby, the one who made me a mum.

It’s your first day at school tomorrow. I’m writing this as I lay next to you in bed. You seem too young to be starting school, too innocent, too dependent on me.

I am so worried you will feel scared and not know where to turn, that you’ll feel lost until you see me at the gates come three o’ clock.

But deep down I know you will be ok. I know you will flourish. You are so clever, so funny and so so kind. You have the best heart I have ever seen in a child. That I have ever seen in a human being.

You drive me absolutely and make me feel sane all at the same time.

For almost five years I have been your everything, the constant in your life, every single day and I want you to know that still stands. Im scared you will grow up quicker than ever now, you will learn and grow and I will be left behind.

The past five years has gone so quick – I think I spent 90% of it worrying if you were ok, if I’m doing a good enough job at being your mum. Now I see you. I see the little boy you’re becoming. The love in your eyes when you look at your sister. The admiration you have for your Popsy. The grown up conversations you have with me when no one else is listening. The way you soak everything in like a sponge and see everything with such innocence and practicality. The way you turn to me, randomly, and say “I love you so much mummy” whilst throwing your arms around me at the same time.

I see you and the beautiful human you are becoming.

I know you will flourish at school – like I always tell you – you can be anything in the world. That’s the beauty of it. You really can. You have everything ahead of you and I will always have your back.

You remind me every day that I have done a good job and give me the strength to carry on doing a good job, even when it feels like I am failing.

I want you to know that every single day from now and forver, I am here for you.

You will always be my little baby.

Love your Mummy xxx

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